TLDR Review: Duke Nukem Forever

Hype is a valuable commodity in the entertainment industry. It gets people in the door, gets products off the shelves. short term benefits which are really the only objective a PR team has in the first place. But hype and high expectation is equally likely to poison and taint the mind against a product; hype can quickly turn to ash in your mouth and dilute even a genuinely good experience into a disappointment. A friend drops the notion that a recent film is a must-see life changer before you have a chance to get to the cinema yourself. You walk out numbly agree-ing that it's “alright, I guess”. Now imagine someone spent 12 YEARS telling you something was going to be great. Some people, in the press especially, might argue that if something is good it will be regarded as good, and vice versa with bad. Personally I'm not sure anything could stand up to the kind of anticipation Duke Nukem Forever built up over the past decade. To use Duke's own words: “What about the game, was it any good?” “After 12 fucking years, it should be!”

“I came here to kick ass and chew bubble-gum, and I'm all out of gum”

When it comes to videogames, 12 years of development time isn't the advantage the more naive among us might assume. Technology moves at light speed in this industry, and beneath that trends and genres shift like tectonic plates. If you'd asked me before I played the game, I'd probably have argued that Gearbox all but started from scratch when the license landed on their plate. Now though, I think it's more likely that Duke Nukem Forever was recovered from a time capsule circa 1998 during some sort of archeological dig. Duke really feels his age, he is a relic of another time and hasn't managed to keep up with the whirlwind of change around him over the past decade. The more contemporary mechanics such as regenerating “health” and dual weapon slots seem tacked on and ill-fitting, while the “rocket and strafe” 90s shooter framework is so quietly dated it feels lifeless and un-spirited, which is a shame considering that the presentation is trying so hard. This left the core shooting somewhere between mildly dull and enjoyably average; although occasionally the staging, level design or weapon selection did come together just right for a burst of legitimate 90s blast-em-up charm.

“I hate valve puzzles”

Possibly aware of the lacklustre core gameplay, Gearbox included several somewhat jarring diversions into other genres; with a handful of driving sections, some underwater areas, and surprisingly regular platforming and physics puzzles. Usually physics puzzles are the result of indulgent showboating from a company glowing with pride at the engine they have created. Thus the appearance of physics puzzles in Duke Nukem Forever is somewhat odd, as the games physics system is functional but hardly robust enough for them to spend so much time pointing the players attention in its direction. Moving barrels and pushing wheeled trolleys make a nice aside from the relentless grind of crosshairs and ammo, and in some cases get the brain cogs whirring just fast enough to inspire pleasure in solution.. but they still feel pretty damn out of place. Besides which, platforming in the first person has always been a clunky challenge at the best of times.

“Hail to the King Baby”

Setting the game in a world where Duke is already a celebrated icon and hero was probably the most potent masterstroke in Forever; it allowed the game to immerse itself in the infamy and imagery of the Duke Nukem brand, the games most vital selling point. Whole levels are set in the “Duke Dome”, “Duke Burger”, the game starts in the “Duke Museum” which is a building dedicated to Duke's accomplishments and trophies; the environment is decorated with promotional posters of Duke, golden statues of his babes, freely adorned with the classic “nuclear hazard” symbol. Aware that the years of nostalgia have distilled Duke's already considerable reputation for machismo and excess to ridiculous proportion, DNF regularly strives to meet the kind of over-the-top extremist payoff gamers were so apparently wanting this time around. Duke field kicks eyeballs, rabbit punches battlelords testicles, keeps a secret high-tech base accessible via a throne under the city, has a shoot-out in an old west town, rides a monster truck through the Hoover Dam, mans a wrecking ball, chugs steroids, downs beer, slaps alien tits and urinates on an enemies brain. Contributing to the silliness is the surreal inclusion of various interactive objects in the environment. Duke can flush toilets, run taps, throw faeces, draw on whiteboards, pump weights, admire himself in mirrors, peruse porn mags, use condom and cigarette machines and play pool and pinball. Some of these increase “health” by expanding Duke's ego-meter, but the majority seem to be there for the sake of it. I'd like to argue this is a satire on the increasingly pointless detail and realism of interactive worlds or an ironic nod at the idea a game in development for 12 years was going to allow gamers to experience unparalleled interaction with their environment, but seems more likely just another quirk of the fragmented development cycle.

“I've got balls of steel”

Satire and irony are unfortunately things Forever didn't quite manage. Duke's dated and childish approach to both story and gameplay is clearly stubborn loyalty to form, not clever inversion of cliché. Duke Nukem Forever doesn't poke fun at the vulgarity and immaturity of the genre, it simply IS a unrepentantly vulgar and immature genre piece. A quintessential man-child's wet dream, but not in a positive way. It's self-referential humor and in-jokes occasionally hit home, especially if you are a seasoned Duke fan or internet regular (light jabs at other games and devs such as Halo and Valve provoked a titter), but the “topical” jokes are uncomfortably late as well as non PC, like a stand-up comedian who is still doing jokes about Princess Di. Even the up-to-date jokes just feel like name-dropping, and it's all far too blunt and self-aware, with one eye always on the audience to check they are enjoying themselves. It reminds me of the sketch in 30 Rock where the cast pretend they can't finish their lines because they are laughing too much.

“I'm gonna rip your eye out and piss on your brain, you alien dirtbag!”

Meanwhile Gearbox' continuing quest to meeting the levels of “no-holds-barred” excess and overkill Duke's cult rep demanded led to the aforementioned well of booze, porn, cigarettes, drug abuse, swearing, sadism, bodily fluids, gore and sick finishers as badges of adult content, things which many found very offensive. It can't be disputed that Duke Nukem Forever is probably the most unbelievably sexist game to be released possibly ever. The “chicks” and “babes” are bubbly insecure nymphomaniac air-headed sex objects to the last, an endless stream of porn stereotypes fawning around Duke wherever he goes. The desensitized gaming male in me was able to overlook this (since most games are equally as guilty in reducing women to window dressing anyway, they just aren't as honest about it) but things took a disturbing turn in the “Hive” level, where various kidnapped babes suffer a fairly harrowing end. As they were already beyond rescue, the babes were even “legal” targets to be blown apart during fire fights, all the while crying and moaning to Duke for help. Duke himself was worryingly untroubled by all this horror, the most meaningful words of comfort he could offer to the stolen babes being “Looks like you're fucked”. In fact, Duke rarely elevates himself beyond the walking soundboard of 80s references he has been in pop culture for the past 10 years. He drifts through the games story seemingly only able to communicate by macho one-liners, treating the world like a ventrillo server he is trolling or in fact, a videogame that he is playing.

“My job is to kick ass, not make small talk”

Duke's detachment from reality and numb reactions to the death and misery of his allies lends him a disturbing sociopathic air. After a dying best friend chokes out a meaningful goodbye, Duke lightheartedly quips “I guess he won't be in the sequel”. To us, Duke meanders through his games with a monologue closer to our own detached “gaming” perspective, but I wonder how in the world he inhabits he isn't just seen as some kind of delusional and sadistic mad man. I might have liked to see Duke spend more time on his side of the 4th wall, with some actual personality to match the context of his surroundings. This said, the games cast, male as well as female, barely have enough brain cells between them to form coherent conversation as it is. Perhaps if we lived in such a commercialized world of morons, we'd be sociopaths as well. I know I am.

“I'm going to kill you old style”

One of the most interesting things about Forever is that the team behind it clearly was not crap. Gamers and critics have a tendency to tar an entire development team with failure and mediocrity when their product is found to be wanting. As a designer myself I noticed a lot of fundamental design tactics firmly in place throughout Duke Nukem Forever, things that other overall better games often miss. New mechanics were smoothly demonstrated to the player in order to foreshadow the later more complex puzzles, routes through the worlds occasionally cluttered environments were for the most part clearly signposted through simple use of lighting or view funneling, enemy weaknesses were telegraphed through individual encounters before the player was asked to deal with mixed groups; these are basic ways to train and guide players without jamming information down their throats like many hand-holding contemporary titles are want to do these days. This is perhaps another symptom of the “dated” approach, the 90s being a time this form of background guidance was more common and valued, but it's definitely a mark in the pro column.

“I'd buy that for a dollar”

Duke Nukem Forever's dedication to its archaic 90s shooter roots and to remorseless childish overkill hits the mark somewhere between mildly dull and enjoyably average, with genuine bursts of nostalgic charm mixed up in the relentless stream of vulgarity and banal humor. And it's all wrapped up in the heraldry of Duke himself, a videogame icon in the eyes of many. I got it for £5 on Steam, which is probably exactly what it's worth. Personally I think we can all be glad they got this one out of the way, so they can start work on Duke Nukem Forever and Ever.